Standing on the Edge

We look back to learn, we look forward to believe.

Are we all standing on the edge of peace and chaos? On the edge of creation and destruction? Standing squarely between good and evil? Yes, I believe we are. Every day we wake up and with every step we take, we make the choice to step off the edge and into peace, creation and goodness or into chaos, destruction and evil.

Whatever you believe or don't believe doesn't matter, that choice is still yours and no one else's; the choice to choose. We are the ones who choose to create or destroy; to build up or tear down. And I for one crave, above all other things, to be a person, an energy, a force, that builds up and creates. I possess a power - we - possess a power to make waves in our world. Isn't that empowering?! To know we can, in every action, make waves that will roll into lives all around us?

My life, though flocked with disorder and chaos, in the midst of those untold events, my life has been abundant with people who have used their energy to build up others around them; creating worlds within their reach that are better because they choose to be that force of good. Due to events of many kinds, I've been forced to make the choice: creation or destruction? Countless nights I've had the painful pleasure of wrestling with that choice. Looking at myself in the mirror and struggling between the desire in my heart to do good and love or to inflict pain and hurt. I wish I could say it's an easy choice, that my heart is pure and I desire nothing but peace. But that isn't true, and some times I take the easy route and gladly and aimlessly step into the chaos of destruction. Something that, after the fact, I never feel pleased or proud about.

Indeed, sometimes life does require us to be licentious; to break away from social or cultural norms and limitations. This, however, doesn't mean it must be in a destructive or negative manner. And here is where I often struggle with a balance. When is it helpful and healthy? And when is it destructive and cancerous? These are the nights when sleep evades me and rapid, streaming thoughts of good vs. evil; bear vs. shark; peace vs. destruction, abound and interrupt each other at an unstoppable rate.

Some nights it requires me to search my soul, alone and quietly, to make the decision. But some nights it requires me to make a phone call, to knock on a door or to wait until dawn to speak with a friend that will walk through and talk through these colliding thoughts. This is when I'm assured, without a doubt, that peace, creation and goodness is always the path I want to choose. And this is because the people in my life, the people who have seen me in both my darkest and brightest days, they stand with me and give me the strength and confidence to move forward in peace. YOU, the ones reading this, YOU are those people. I don't know how I've gotten so lucky, blessed and/or fortunate to have such a large group of people who will do this for me. It is overwhelming in the most magnificent kind of way. And it inspires me to be the best version of myself that is possible.

Today I am thankful in a solemn and reflective way. Thank you to each of you. Thank you for seeing your friend(s) as they are: beautiful, broken, hopeful and powerful. And for believing that nothing can forever define us. That every moment of every day, we possess the power to redefine who we are and what kind of world we will live in.

And as we stand on the edge of darkness 

Let our chant fill the void 

That others may know 

In the land of the night 

The ship of the sun 

Is drawn by 

The grateful dead. 

-- Tibetan "Book of the Dead" ca. 4000 BC.