"The soul always knows what to do to heal itself. The challenge is to silence the mind."
Caroline Myss
It has been a very thoughtful week. I've been doing a lot of reflecting on the life I left behind in Seattle/Washington, as well as the life I've lived so far this summer in Maine. I've been going back and forth between feeling queasy and hopeful at the idea of flying home for a visit. No, I'm not heading back anytime soon. But the holidays will be coming up quickly and I've got to plan for that. Just the thought of stepping back into the town and life I left brings up a great deal of emotions. It wasn't my intention to fully let go of Seattle this summer. I headed to Maine with an open mind and no solid plans. As it turns out, the universe did have plans for me.
The cosmic universe has been doing a lot of work on my soul, as far as I've been open to it. Abandoning all was terrifying, but freeing in a way nothing else could be. It's been an incredibly healing time for my soul this summer. I've been so fortunate to meet people who have embraced me so warmly, that little pieces of my heart that were once broken, are now gently being hemmed back together. Scars that once were, are slowly fading. What I'm realizing is that this is a team effort. Me opening myself up to people, things and places and then those people, things and places opening up to me. When we meet in that serendipitous way, the healing begins. My only hope is that I am giving back as much as I am being given.
I've been realizing my power in all aspects of my life. It's occurred to me that although I may have personified myself as someone who knows power, I haven't owned that in quite some time. I've been allowing myself to settle for mediocre, for broken and painful. Of course not in everything, this isn't meant to be dramatic. But deep in my heart, in my soul, I've been seeking and feeding off of many friendships and relationships that did more to hinder the best in me, as opposed to spurring on the best in me. This is no fault of anyone's but my own. Powerless over my destiny and healing is how I've allowed my heart to think.
My radar for the broken has always been quite keen, and I've been radically drawn to it. I'm convinced that there is a certain degree of maternal instinct that draws one to others who aren't whole, who need healing and who aren't able to find peace in their heart and soul. Which is good, we all need to care for one another. We can't entirely heal alone, there needs to be that encouragement and support from fellow earth souls. However, for myself, I have recognized that right now I can't wrap my life, heart and soul up in those who aren't ready to heal. And I've been doing that for some time. Allowing my heart to stay stagnant with open wounds that I have paid no attention to or gladly ignored. It caused me to become calloused, snarky and outright selfish more often than not. Not things I'm proud of, but the truth nonetheless.
I realize growth is all about seasons. We must endure and experience certain things in life in order to value what we came through and what we learned. The refiners fire, if you will. I'm not trying to diminish the life I was living prior to these last few months. But I am aware that I actively allowed myself to stay stagnant and used my wounds as a crutch, instead of as inspiration to heal and move forward.
My soul did know what it needed to do to heal. The problem was silencing my mind. No easy task. It's a wonder to me how many of us walk around in this world full of endless possibilities, yet never throw caution to the wind and seize that which will heal us in ways we can't even fathom. Though I suppose that's just it- we can't even imagine the wonder of what can happen to us if we take that scary step and follow what our soul has been crying out for. That is why we must love and support one another. But one cannot pour themselves out and into others when they themselves are empty. We must heal ourselves in order to help others heal. It's like when someone is drowning, as they flail about attempting at saving themselves, if you aren't strong enough and you try to save them, they will drag you down with them, both of you dying in the process. If I value those I want to see heal, I must heal myself first and know my limits and boundaries in those relationships in order to not just stay alive, but to thrive as wholeheartedly as I can.
Have you heard your soul crying out for healing? Have you recently had wounds heal? Have you deadened your mind to the call of your heart? How do you silence your mind when your soul knows what it needs to do to heal? Have you had someone come along side you and pour life into you?
I admit that these answers that I seek
Are all to questions I've never known
But I pray to keep on looking for as long as I can roam
And when the world finally fulfills me
I will not forget my way back home
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