It's been interesting becoming an adult and learning how to reconcile the parent/child relationship. It's been confusing and liberating. As I've grown, I've come to recognize and appreciate that my Mom did everything in her power to be the best she could for us (her children). With the most pure of heart, she raised us in a safe home, full of all of the love she could exude. As a child, your mother is your world. All you want is to be with her; sit on her lap, cuddle in bed with her, talk her ear off, seek her approval in all that you do. As adolescences set in, so does much confusion. As a teen I believed no one understood me, especially my mother. Suddenly everything became a battle. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. No, mostly just the worst of times. I was a teenager the whole time, which, as we all know, means madness. And not the good kind of madness :)
A week after graduating high school, I moved away for the first time. I began to define myself outside of my parents. As a female, especially outside of my mother. Over the last ten years, I have traveled, I have lived and loved, but no matter where I've gone, I've always known I could come "home." My parents have always been a team, even when it wasn't easy. They've stood by each other while raising 4 biological children and countless other children, who may not have been blood, but were their children nonetheless. I honestly can't understand what it was like. I can try to imagine, but I've never been a parent, so the pain and joy I will never fully grasp. The one thing I have always known, no matter where I've been or what I've done, I can always come back to my parents. I know my mom is always missing, no matter the day or hour. Not everyone has that.
It hasn't been a perfect relationship. It's been a rocky road, as all mother-daughter relationships are. There have been months that have gone by when I haven't talked to my mom. It's said: "The mother-child relationship is paradoxical and, in a sense, tragic. It requires the most intense love on the mother's side, yet this very love must help the child grow away from the mother, and to become fully independent." -Erich Fromm
This couldn't be more true. But at 28, I am continually reminded how valuable my Mom is. We may not see eye to eye on many things. I may live a life that she never imagined I would, but I know she loves me endlessly. Even when it isn't easy for her. The older I get the more I see my mom as human and for that I am thankful. Because as Jill Churchill said "There is no way to be a perfect mother, and a million ways to be a good one." I know many people who don't have a mom who is present or that they could run home to if need be. They don't have a mom who loves their dad like a teenager after 40 years of being together. I know plenty of people whose mom put her desires before the happiness of her children and I am lucky to have never known that.
I am also lucky to have had parents who have taught me how to love. My mom's passion for children who need love has certainly been passed down to me. If it weren't for her choice to be a stay at home mom, as well as a foster mother, I would never have seen what genuine love and compassion can do for another human being. I watched love grow children in ways you can't ever describe in words. And that all happened because my mom made a choice to love. She didn't have to, many don't, but she did. For that I will forever be thankful.
So Mom, here's to you! Even if I don't always show it, I love you. I am forever thankful for all of the things you did for me, even before I was born. You made many hard decisions that resulted in a better life for me, and I will never forget that. Thank you for loving me, Angel, Sarah and Ben. Thank you for loving Shamarye, Jada, Bella and Luna. Thank you for loving Dad like it's going out of style. Thank you for loving every child who walked into our home. Thank you for pancakes, bacon and eggs every Sunday morning. Thank you for family dinners every night. Thank you for still always having a place for me to crash. Thank you for opening up your home at a moments notice to me and a half dozen friends even to this day. Thank you for missing me when I'm down the street, as well as when I'm 3000 miles away.
THANK YOU! thank you! ThAnK yOu! THANK YOU! thank you! ThAnK yOu! THANK YOU! thank you! ThAnK yOu! THANK YOU! thank you! ThAnK yOu! THANK YOU! thank you! ThAnK yOu! THANK YOU! thank you! ThAnK yOu! THANK YOU! thank you! ThAnK yOu! THANK YOU! thank you! ThAnK yOu! THANK YOU! thank you! ThAnK yOu! THANK YOU! thank you! ThAnK yOu! THANK YOU! thank you! ThAnK yOu! THANK YOU! thank you! ThAnK yOu! THANK YOU! thank you! ThAnK yOu! THANK YOU! thank you! ThAnK yOu! THANK YOU! thank you! ThAnK yOu! THANK YOU! thank you! ThAnK yOu! THANK YOU! thank you! ThAnK yOu!
Happy Birthday! You are a lovely lady and I am thankful you are the one I get to call Mom!
1 comment:
Reading this is amazing. It brings such joy and happiness to see you in this place. I know how hard it's been, alllll mother daughter relationships are hard! (i can remember a time when my mother called me a pre-madonna bitch....oh yes.) But to come to a place where you can really appreciate the relationship for what it is. Awesome. Love it!
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